How to Talk to Your Child's Doctor About ADHD

Key Takeaways

• Document specific examples of your child's behavior at home and school before your appointment
• Start conversations by expressing concern about your child's struggles, not by suggesting a diagnosis
• Ask about all treatment options, including behavioral therapy, parent training, school accommodations, and technology-based treatments like neurofeedback
• Understand that ADHD evaluation is a multi-step process that can take weeks or months
• Know that it's okay to seek a second opinion if you feel your concerns aren't being heard
• Prepare questions in advance about the evaluation process, treatment options, and follow-up care
• Remember that effective ADHD management requires ongoing monitoring and adjustments over time

Starting a conversation about ADHD with your child's doctor can feel daunting. You may be concerned about being judged for your child's behavior, fear your concerns won't be taken seriously, or wonder if you’re overreacting to normal childhood struggles. You might also feel anxious about what a diagnosis could mean for your child's future, or concerned that your doctor won't understand the complexity of what you're observing at home and school. 

These feelings are completely normal. Remember, you know your child best, and trusting your instincts about their struggles is important. The good news is that with the right preparation, your pediatrician or primary care doctor can be a great starting point for a productive conversation that leads to meaningful support for your child.

Preparing for Your Appointment

Document Specific Examples

Rather than describing general concerns, it’s best to prepare with concrete examples that illustrate your child's struggles. Keep a behavior log for one to two weeks before your appointment that includes:

At Home Examples:

• "During homework time, Sarah starts her math worksheet but after 5 minutes gets up to sharpen her pencil, notices other things in the room that distract her, and 20 minutes later hasn't completed a single problem"
• "When I give Jake three-step instructions like 'put your backpack away, wash your hands, and come to dinner,' he never completes all of the steps"
• "Emma has emotional outbursts when transitioning between activities, even when I give her a heads up that we’re changing what we’re going to do"

School-Related Observations:

• Specific teacher comments from recent conferences or communication
• Academic performance patterns (struggles more with certain subjects or times of day)
• Social challenges during recess or group activities
• Poor completion rates for homework or in-class assignments

Gather Supporting Information

Documentation helps your doctor see the full picture of your child's challenges and provides objective evidence to support your observations.

Bring relevant documentation to your appointment:

• Recent report cards and progress reports
• Teacher evaluations or behavioral checklists if available
• Any previous testing results or specialist evaluations
• A list of current medications, vitamins, or supplements your child takes
• Family history of ADHD, learning differences, or mental health conditions

Prepare Your Questions in Advance

Write down your questions beforehand so you don't forget them during the appointment. Consider including:

• "What could be causing these specific behaviors I'm observing?"
• "What is the process for evaluating ADHD in children my child's age?"
• "Besides medication, what other treatment options are available?"
• "How can we rule out other conditions that might look like ADHD?"
• "What accommodations might help my child at school right now?"

How to Start the Conversation

Lead with Your Concerns, and Don’t Assume a Diagnosis

A good way to start this conversation is to ask: "I'm concerned that my child isn't doing well at school, and I'd like your help to understand why." This approach invites collaboration rather than putting your doctor on the defensive.

You might say:

• "I'm seeing some patterns in my child's behavior that concern me, and I'd like to explore what might be causing them"
• "My child is struggling in several areas, and I want to understand if there's an underlying reason"
• "I've noticed some challenges that seem beyond typical childhood behavior, and I'd like your professional perspective"

Share Your Observations Systematically

Present your concerns in an organized way:

1. Start with the most significant impacts: "The biggest concern is that homework that should take 30 minutes is taking 3 hours every night"
2. Provide context: "This has been happening consistently for the past six months"
3. Give specific examples: "Yesterday, Alex read the same paragraph four times and still couldn't tell me what it was about"
4. Mention multiple settings: "We're seeing similar attention issues during chores at home and activities at soccer practice"

Key Questions to Ask Your Doctor

About the Evaluation Process

Understanding the evaluation process helps you know what to expect and ensures your child receives a thorough assessment. A proper ADHD diagnosis involves multiple steps, including detailed history-taking, standardized questionnaires for parents and teachers, ruling out other medical conditions, and typically psychological testing.

Depending on your circumstances, the process can potentially take several weeks, and asking these questions helps you understand the timeline and ensures all necessary components are included in your child's evaluation.

• "What steps are involved in evaluating ADHD for my child at their age?"
• "How long does the evaluation process typically take?"
• "What questionnaires or assessments will be used?"
• "Who else could help provide input during the evaluation?"
• "How do you rule out other conditions that might cause similar symptoms?"

About Treatment Options

If your child receives an ADHD diagnosis, your doctor will likely discuss medication options. Most pediatricians can prescribe ADHD medications, although school accommodations and letters recommending school support, such as IEPs or 504 plans, typically involve a psychologist or therapist specializing in ADHD. 

For more comprehensive treatments like behavioral parent training, cognitive therapy, or technology-based interventions like neurofeedback, your doctor will typically provide referrals to specialists.

For school-age children, treatment plans may combine medication with counseling when appropriate, or your doctor may recommend alternatives to medication. It's perfectly appropriate to ask about all available options and request referrals for specific treatments that align with your family's preferences and values, especially if you prefer drug-free options.

Ask specifically:

• "What non-medication treatment options are available for my child's age group?"
• "Can you explain the different types of behavioral therapy that might help?"
• "What role does parent training play in treatment?"
• "How do we decide between medication and non-medication approaches?"
• "If medication is recommended, what are the alternatives if we have concerns about that approach?"
• "What school accommodations might help while we're figuring out the best treatment plan?"

About Timeline and Follow-up

ADHD management is an ongoing process that requires regular monitoring and adjustments. Initial treatment plans may need fine-tuning over time based on your child's response, and symptoms may change as your child grows and faces new developmental challenges. 

Whether your child's treatment includes medication, behavioral therapy, or both, expect frequent follow-up appointments initially, followed by regular check-ins to ensure the treatment plan continues to meet your child's evolving needs.

• "If my child does have ADHD, what does ongoing care look like?"
• "How often will we need follow-up appointments?"
• "When should I expect to see improvements with different treatments?"
• "What signs should prompt me to contact you between appointments?"

Addressing Common Concerns About Medication

If your doctor recommends medication and you have concerns, it's important to have an open discussion. You might ask:

• "Can you help me understand how ADHD medications work and what the research shows about their effectiveness?"
• "What are the most common side effects, and how do we monitor them?"
• "Are there non-stimulant medication options if we prefer to avoid stimulants?"
• "What happens if we want to try behavioral interventions first?"
• "How do we know if the medication is working?"
• "What's involved in stopping medication if we decide it's not right for our child?"

Remember, medication and therapy can be an effective treatment for ADHD, but the specific combination, treatment options, and timing should be tailored to your child's needs and your family's preferences. There are highly effective treatment alternatives that do not depend on medication, and you should explore these options if you feel medication is not right for your child.

What to Do If You Feel Unheard

Sometimes, despite your best preparation, you may leave an appointment feeling like your concerns weren't adequately addressed. This is, unfortunately, common, and you have options:

Request More Time or a Follow-up

• Ask for a longer appointment specifically dedicated to discussing your child's behavioral concerns
• Request a follow-up appointment after your doctor has had time to review any materials you've provided

Ask for Referrals to ADHD Specialists

If your pediatrician doesn't feel comfortable managing ADHD evaluation or treatment, ask for referrals to:

• Child psychologists specializing in ADHD
• Pediatric behavioral specialists
• Developmental pediatricians
• Educational psychologists

Seek a Second Opinion

Sometimes you just have to trust your instincts. And if you try to keep going and you're not getting heard, it's OK to seek another opinion. You know your child best, and persistent concerns deserve thorough evaluation.

Document Your Interactions

Keep notes about what was discussed, what recommendations were made, and any next steps. This documentation can be helpful if you need to seek care elsewhere or want to follow up on specific points later.

When Your Child May Need Specialized Assessment

While pediatricians can diagnose and treat ADHD, you may want to seek a professional who specializes in ADHD, especially for these situations:

• Presence of other mental health concerns like anxiety or depression
• Severe behavioral issues that significantly impact daily functioning
• Unsuccessful treatment attempts in the past
• Very young children (under age 6) where diagnosis is more challenging
• Teenagers with severe academic or social problems
• Drug-Free Treatment Options are your preference

Preparing for Different Outcomes

Be prepared for various possibilities:

ADHD is Diagnosed

Your doctor should explain the specific type of ADHD and discuss treatment options they can provide, such as medication. They may also refer you to specialists for behavioral therapy, parent training, or other interventions. Depending on your child's needs and your preferences, you may seek additional specialist care for comprehensive treatment approaches.

ADHD is ruled out

Your doctor should help you understand what else might be causing your child's symptoms and recommend appropriate next steps, which might include evaluation for learning differences, anxiety, or other conditions. These evaluations often require referrals to specialists like psychologists or educational evaluators.

More evaluation is needed

There's no simple one-step test to diagnose learning or thinking differences. Your doctor may refer you to specialists for more comprehensive testing, or you may choose to seek specialized evaluation independently. Be prepared for this to be a process rather than a single appointment.

Your Path to Getting Answers Starts Now

Remember that seeking help for your child's struggles is an act of advocacy and love. You're not looking for a label or an excuse; you're seeking understanding and advice on the best tools you can use to help your child succeed. The right healthcare provider will respect your observations, take your concerns seriously, and work with you to develop a comprehensive plan.

The journey toward understanding your child's needs may take time, but taking that first step to have an informed conversation with your doctor or a mental health professional is crucial. Trust your instincts, prepare thoroughly, and remember that you are your child's best advocate.